So. I think the nesting has begun. What do you think?

We spent 4 days deep cleaning our basement and the above picture shows the CRAP that we decided to part with. Probably 10-15 bags of stuff.

Who spends that much time cleaning out their basement? Well, we did. We have so much STUFF. I counted 5 boxes of pens. Yup. Pens, markers, highlighters, pencils. I’ve held onto every pen I’ve ever used since third grade. I do believe I have a poverty mentality. I hold on to all this stuff because it is cheaper than going out and buying a sharpie. Seriously? I’d rather live in squalor than just go spend a few bucks on a marker? Not anymore. ugh. Well, not quite. I gave Lindy the game of testing the pens. Good ones we keep, bad ones go in the trash. Ha. Now we are down to one box and 3 more to “test.”

I mentioned to a friend the other day that I want to “have my life in order” when this baby comes around. You see, with our first, Lindy, I was 8 months pregnant, we had just spent 31 days renovating our house and on the 35 and 36th day, we moved into our place and on the 38th day…I was admitted due to signs of pre-eclampsia. So, needless to say the house was NOT unpacked. We didn’t even have a kitchen yet. We had to call a friend to go to the store and buy a car seat! With Everett, we were finally prepared. Had everything ready. We had even made the “last” trip to Target to get some gas drops and lotion on that day -both tucked onto the changing table, all ready. The bag was packed and the car seat was installed. So, this time, my “life in order” includes de-junking my house, doing some projects that we have been meaning to do for years, building a deck on the back of the house. Ya know…simple things. ha.

The nursery is still vacant. Nothing in there suggests it ever was a nursery other than the rocking chair and a small white shelf. I’m not sure when the preparations will begin IF they will before the baby arrives. I am a planner and I think we will slowly put some pieces into the nursery to prepare for this baby girl. I really feel the need to bond with her as I do feel very very guarded and not as connected with this child as the last two.

So, we’ve started at the basement and we’ll work our way up!

For weeks, I had been e-mailing my mother, telling her I wish she was closer to come over and help me with some projects. She didn’t know I was crying on the other side of those e-mails. Finally, I just stopped feeling sorry for myself and called her up, crying. MOM! Please fly over here and see me!!! What grown woman calls her mother crying? I do. There is nobody like mom. Guess what? She caught a flight and will be here in a little over a week! What projects to do? So many to choose from!

P.S. I am ALMOST to my 200th recorded post (It could be 300, but I don’t have records of the first 100 back in 2004)! So, I am planning on a giveaway on my 200th post, so make sure you check back to see what I’m giving away! It is something I am really excited about. I received one from a family members years ago and then I made my own version for friends and family for Christmas. Someday I will sell them!

So, my fabulous 2 weeks of eating only amazing, healthy, lower carb things only lasted just that…2 weeks. ugh. I got so bored with it. BUT I did lose 2 pounds in those 2 weeks. I KNEW that was my weight problem -stupid insulin. No, my goal is not to lose weight, but it sure was nice to hear.

Well, weeks 25 and 26 have been a doozy. BIG doozy and I’m 100% sure that with Lindy and Everett, at 25 weeks, my body went wacko as well. You see, as a diabetic, my insulin requirements will slowly creep up throughout the pregnancy to account for the big ball of sugar in my belly, aka the baby. Well, it seems that at week 25, my body decides it needs WAY more than I think. I’m having a VERY hard time accounting for it. My OB/GYN wasn’t concerned…he said. GOOD. That is the way it is supposed to be. Insulin requirements should be going up. So, one hour after I eat, my levels should be normal (my goal is 90). When I was testing this week and last, I was sitting at 250 after having taken insulin an hour earlier. CRAZY. So, I’d take a double amount of insulin to bring it down. Today I took a double amount and it was 350 an hour later. wow.

Good news, I am bringing those numbers down within 2 hours at least…but the goal is one hour. Bad news is my endocrinologist retired in the fall, so I am out my doctor who knows me really well. All they could do for me was get me in with a PA at the end of the month. NOT good enough for me. I am good at my own sugar/insulin regiment, but this time, I’m kind of being thrown for a loop! Only way to fix this is to monitor every single carb into my mouth and come up with a new sugar/insulin ratio for my pump.

Week 25

Baby girl Tres is looking good. Had an ultrasound on Tuesday and was able to see her little features more. She was basically bent in half with her legs ALL the way up over her head. You can see it in the 3D photo below…can you see her face and 2 feet all scrunched up and possibly her hand holding onto one of the legs? The second one, you can see her peaking through her feet.

Good news is she is looking perfectly on size. Always a big deal for diabetic mothers. If she was measuring larger, that’d be a sign of bad glycemic control. Met with the head doctor of the department for my appointment and he asked what the plan was with the other doctors for an amnio…I told him week 35. He shook his head no and said that was not going to work…we wouldn’t get the results we would want. He says week 37. I interrupted him and said, let’s just wait until week 35 and see what is going on. GOOD NEWS is that as long as everything is okay, there is room for me to keep this baby inside a little bit longer to avoid any health risks on HER part. Only scary thing for me is mentally making it past the 36 week mark when Everett died. Let’s just see how everything goes…I am trying not to make any plans.

I thought I’d answer a few questions about this pregnancy, since a lot of you (IRL) have been asking.

How Far Along: 26 weeks 3 days
Due Date: It’s complicated. Due date is August 15th.
Anticipated Arrival Date: Doctors are talking about c-section at week 36 which is the week of July 18th.
If I had my way:The baby will come naturally on July 26th. If Dale had his way, July 29th.
Name Yet?: She MIGHT have a name as of this week.
Size of Baby: She is measuring roughly 2lbs.
Weight Gain: I’ve gained ONLY 9 pounds thus far!
Sleep: I can sleep well anywhere, at anytime, in any place. I don’t complain much about sleep. The only thing keeping me awake these days is when the dog wakes me up at 4:30 to go out!
Movement: She is pretty mild in movements but when she does kick it is usually REAL early in the morning or REAL late at night. She kicks very very low.
Symptoms: Had some heartburn this week, I think it has to do with my diet and my sugars are of course wonky. Mix those two and I am tired all the time and my stomach is upset.
Food Cravings: Pickles for those 2 days. that’s it.
What I’m Looking Forward to: My mom coming to visit in 3 weeks. Only because I called her crying that I wanted her to come up here and help me with projects.
Emotions: Not as anxious this week about her health. Taking it one day at a time.

My pastor had a very good sermon on prayer a few weeks back and it keeps coming to mind. You can listen or watch it here, look in the month of April, 2011, the sermon entitled “Praying During Civil War”. I really took away when he said something to the affect of “one-off prayers” are not the most effective. To be honest, I can get in that habit of praying for a friend every now and then and then forgetting. Daily, continuous prayers -those are necessary. If I don’t pray, things will not occur. Miracles will not happen. It is not all scripted. Prayers MATTER! Prayer is an act of war against the principalities or darkness.

Seems like a no-brainer.

I am thankful for those of you close friends and family that are praying continuously for us -please keep at it! We are praying for a safe arrival of this baby and I am specifically praying for a non-traumatic, NATURAL birth.

So all week I’ve had this anxiety about mother’s day and thinking of all of us women who have struggled with infertility, child loss, mother loss, etc. etc. I couldn’t help but be anxious about Sunday morning and how our pastor would approach the subject. Every year, they ask mother’s to stand up and everyone around lays hands on them while we pray.

We have an AMAZING pastor that I truly believe has a heart after God. Up until last year, our church handed out flowers to “newest mom” “oldest mom” etc. etc. And honestly, I never thought TWICE about how women felt who were not moms, having to sit through all the celebrations and joys of motherhood. Primarily because I WAS a mom and hadn’t lost my son or battled infertility. I remember last year, being vulnerable and sad because my eyes had been opened to all the pain around me involving children; I was so proud of our church, our head pastor, recognizing both mother’s with children and those who mother without their “own” children. He specifically prayed for those women who were hurting in our church who don’t yet have children and desperately want them. He prayed for the spiritual mothers who are leading other women’s children. It was good to hear. He gets it.

I debated sending an e-mail to this pastor “A” again, wanting to remind him about how I appreciated that prayer and him recognizing all the hurt that women go through on Mother’s day. I wanted to make sure it happened the same way this year.

Well. As I’m standing up in choir about ready to sing our song, pastor “B” (who shall remain nameless) came on stage and lead us in the “mother’s day” prayer of asking mother’s to stand and have women lay hands on them. He did NOT include women who have no children or spiritual mothers. I was deeply disappointed. THEN. As he is praying he said” and be with those mothers who are expecting. Comfort them, let them know that everything will be okay.” I was really really upset and had to pull it together FAST before the lights came up and our choir started singing.

He REALLY chose the WRONG words in his prayer. No. Not everything will turn out okay for expectant mothers. I know he probably didn’t even think TWICE about how his prayer was going to come across, but it hurt A LOT. I know he is human but I sure do wish pastor “A” had lead that prayer. I NEVER try to speak about anything that I don’t agree with at church. It can be such a sticky subject; I in no way will leave the church over it or try to raise a ruckus over it. I was just disappointed.

After the service, I sought my husband out to explain my frustrations. Dale, is on staff at the church, he immediately jumped in and told me that Saturday night during the service, Pastor “A” had said the prayer and it was perfect. I thought I’d share this prayer with all of you…but as we were uploading to my blog we decided since the church “owns” the copyright, we can’t legally upload it here. The webmaster said he’d upload to our church website this week and I’ll make sure to link to it here.

You can read some of the prayer below:

“For moms who are particularly broken hearted because they have lost a child to death or because they have children who are far from faith. Where there is sorrow, pour out your healing touch. Where there is desperation, pour out your confidence. Where there is pain, pour out your healing. For those who really desire to be a mom but their life circumstances, whatever they may be, have not permitted that thus far. Lord, this is a tough weekend for them, but tough places are where we can meet you in a new and a fresh way…Meet them in a new and fresh way.” (Pastor “A”)

You will be blessed by it, whether or not you pray or believe in Jesus. It will encourage you as it has encouraged me.