Dale and I made our way to the pediatric cardiologist today to look at baby Tres’ heart. At our 18 week ultrasound our OB/GYN mentioned that there might be a heart issue with the baby…so today was the day to find out any details.

We both woke up really nervous. Upon arriving, had to explain Everett’s story. Apparently my amazing OB/GYN had sent over paperwork saying I had two ALIVE children (Werid). So, we had to explain that no, we did not have 2 alive children, one was stillborn.

This cardiologist is GREAT at her job, meaning I trust her opinion and she can get to that opinion very quickly but she doesn’t say a WORD during the entire procedure. Just like the last 2 times she did this.

I told Dale that if it took a while, it was probably not good news. She measured and stared and listened to the heart. I asked her if she saw what my OB/GYN had seen in the last ultrasound. She said she wanted to look further and we would talk at the end. Awkward silence. Me crying, Dale completely freaked out. Ugh. It would have been nicer if she would have talked through it but she just kept looking and listening. I had horrible visions of another child dying in utero.

I sat there and actually wondered how I would feel and what I would say to God if we had bad news.

After a short 10 minutes (it felt like 30 minutes) she sat me up and said, everything looks fine. She did not see any indications of what the doctor had said. We had no reason to be worried. She said the heart looked great!

Hallelujah!

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers for her heart and your continued prayers that the Lord would sustain this baby and bring her home in our arms.

So I had a heart to heart with my OB/GYN office ladies last Thursday regarding the books we had donated for the lobby. I basically just came out and asked my nurse Diane if it was a problem that each book had my Everett sticker in it and why the books were not displayed or available in the lobby. She was very sweet and vehemently denied that it had to do with the sticker in the book and said they are being a little overprotective of the books and holding them in the receptionist area and only really using them if parents come in for an ultrasound and have to wait for a while or when a child is out of control they’ll grab a book.

She totally reassured me and I walked out of there feeling better about the books being at some point, even though I don’t see it. Then the doctor (that I hadn’t seen this pregnancy yet) came in and thanked me for the books and table.

Two days later, I had to go back in for a quick test and as I sat in the lobby, I noticed three books in a chair and a little girl reading them with her grandpa. I was glowing. I was so proud to see them being used. Then Diane grabbed me to take me back and told me they decided to just TEST 3 books in the lobby and see how it goes AND they put a few books in each room as well. It was really nice to see.

I came home and told Dale. He smiled and said, “I guess everyone is talking about the books” because within a 3 day span, everytime I saw a staff member in that office, they were mentioning the books.

So I am relieved that it was all in my imagination and that the Everett sticker is not a deterrent for nice things that we can do in honor of our children.

On that note:

I do believe people in general get MUCH better care at a doctor’s office where everyone knows your name and you know theirs. SERIOUSLY. I really feel these men and women are on top of it; really wanting to make this baby comes out alive. I can call, give them my first name and they know who I am. Now, obviously, we are emotionally tied together because of the death of my son, but it is nice to have a team of people on my side.

I encourage YOU. If you want good care by a doctor, get them to KNOW you and take the time to get to know them. It makes a world of difference. I already have visions of having a cake delivered to the office team when this baby girl gets here safely.

So, I wrote this post a week ago, I made it post-dated so it would automatically post last Thursday and for some reason I’ve lost it AGAIN. This has happened more than once. Gotta get it figured out. @Jessica, you are the only person who mentioned seeing the LAST diabetic post that I lost…did you see this one too somewhere?

I would consider myself a cheater diabetic. Cheater meaning, I eat whatever I want to eat and just take more insulin to account for it. That way, my numbers are always good, not too high after I eat, but it is because I’m taking amazing amounts of insulin. My endocrinologist doesn’t seem to think it is a problem. Every time I mention it, they just say “go see the nutritionist.” Insulin requirements for any diabetic will be different depending on their needs. I was taking roughly 60 units of insulin a day to cover the amount of carbohydrates I was eating and that was eating any carbs I wanted with no discretion. I have decided to switch some things up this pregnancy and change some variables.

Did you know that insulin stores fat when not in use? I’m 110% sure that is the reason I never lost any weight in 2010. Even after going from a sedentary lifestyle to exercising 3 days a week for 9 months. I lost inches but not one single pound. All my doctors were dumbfounded. I think it is the amounts of insulin I was pumping into my body.

So, over a week ago, I started cutting my insulin requirements in half. I am happy to say that I have successfully cut it down 35ish units of insulin a day. The goal: eat more fruits and veggies and not so many carbs in my meals. I made a point to go to the NICE big, grocery store that had millions of options. All I wanted to was sugar snap peas and honeycrisp apples. Of course, couldn’t find EITHER. I was slightly disappointed. I did walk away with the below items though. I spent an hour chopping and dicing -I think that preparing the food is the hardest part because it takes time.

There were a few days where I had a hard time keeping my sugars low based on something I ate which might have had more carbs than I thought. I can’t be legalistic about this…if my sugars are high for some reason, I HAVE to take more insulin. It would be stupid of me to have high sugars just because I don’t want to go over my 35 unit limit. A few days this week I was disappointed that I had to take more insulin but at least I enjoyed the small piece of cake at a friend’s baby shower and some extra chips at a party!

In baby news, we are at 23 weeks now. I’m feeling her move on a daily basis now which is a great feeling. She seems to be a night owl. As my doctor was checking for her heartbeat last week, she mentioned that diabetic mother’s babies tend to navigate towards the port in the mother’s belly. My baby girl, the exact opposite!

Thursday, this week, Dale and I will be headed towards the pediatric cardiologist to check out her heart. If the baby cooperates, we will more than likely have a definitive answer about her heart and possible things to anticipate in the future OR not.

I mentioned a while ago, that the kids table, chairs and books that we donated to our OB/GYN office were in bad shape. Apparently, SOME kids parents ALLOWED them to color ALL over the table and chairs. What parent allows their small child to turn over a table and chairs and color the legs? And all the books were stolen. ugh.

Well, in March, we were able to donate a bunch more books, thanks to our local library, and we also purchased a new table and chairs -complete with a beautiful engraved plate with our son’s name on it.

Here is Lindy trying out the new table at home.

And trying it out at the office.

We added the “In memory of Everett” stickers to each book AND I added these unsightly stickers that say “Property of” “Do not remove.” I placed a sticker on the cover of the books AND one two pages inside the book. I wonder if anyone will think twice about stealing a book from a (DBM) dead babies momma?

The office was thankful and had decided to hold the books in the back and as kids come in, hand them out and ask for them when they leave. Might be a better system. They have YET to hand Lindy a book or any other kid in the lobby one while I’m sitting there. I wonder if there system is working OR…

I wonder if they don’t want to use the books because of the “dead baby” sticker I placed on them. Who would want to promote the fact that one of their patients lost a baby? Maybe they weren’t “stolen” but slowly just eliminated last time?

Am I crazy?

I know each person in the office by name and they know me by voice over the phone…we have a good relationship. I wonder if they wouldn’t have the heart to tell me that?

I have an appointment tomorrow. I might just ask.

Either way, It is such a good feeling to have him with us while I wait in that office. To have a piece of his story still around.