Well, the good news is that “My uterus and tubes are perfect.” I’m not sure that is something I should be gloating about, but it is good news to hear. I know there are many women who do not have “perfect” uterus(s) let alone ones that work.

My test was delayed by an hour because my doctor was delivering a baby. Dale and I were debating whether he should go to his class that he was skipping to be with me…just as we decided, the doctor came for the test.

Me in my double hospital gowns (front and back), walked through the hospital hallways, feeling really nervous. I walked into the room and my OB/GYN started to talk to me about how these instruments were different than the ones she usually uses. She mentioned that about 3 times and then I told her she was making me nervous. She laughed it off.

Let me continue by saying that this OB/GYN that I have is not my favorite. I had to choose a new one because my FAVORITE doctor is only perinatal, so I would have to be pregnant to see her. So, I had to find one that can help me in the meantime…THEN I will gladly switch back.

Right before she started, she asked where the resident was…the technician didn’t know. The doctor took off her gloves and called this person to come join her, apparently a student.

She walked through what she was going to do and then we proceeded.

And then, right before she started, she commented on how this is her first time doing “one of these” at this hospital. I am feeling SUPER comfortable now with all of this NEWNESS on me (catch my sarcasm?).

The whole time I was laying there, I was preparing myself for intense pain which never really came. They called in the radiologist; (why do they always have to be hot?) he came in and just looked at the screen as we proceeded. I was actually trying to ignore any pain by watching the dye fill my uterus and tubes -it was FASCINATING to watch it happen live on the screen.

He watched and said, “looks perfect” and then walked out. My doctor started to finish and then as I thought we were done, she proceeded to explain to the student there the process AGAIN. Then, I thought we were done. Nope. I sat up and the doctor proceeded to ignore my presence, took the used instruments on the scary little table and proceeded to explain to the student in detail how to use the instruments and where they go. Seriously. I sat there, educating myself unwillingly. I just wanted to clean up and go home. THEN, she took the student to the screen and started pointing out body parts.

I then expected a little heart to heart chat, just a few words of encouragement, next steps maybe? Nope. Nothing. She walked out without a word. I tried to walk in with an open mind about this doctor and walked away VERY irritated.

Overall, the experience was mild for me. I’ve definitely have felt more pain in my life, and now, the pain is manageable with some drugs.

My girlfriend Hilary cheered me up with a greasy burger and fries and I have settled down to watch a movie. Thankful that Lindy is playing with her best of friends, Lucas for the afternoon.

THANK YOU all for your words of encouragement and your prayers. For any of you who have to do this test, if you want to know the gory details, just send me a message. I’m all about educating and encouraging!

Until the next test, whatever that may be, I’ll let you know.

I don’t even know how to pronounce that word. Hysterosalpingogram.

Well, Friday is the big day. The first of MY infertility testing begins.

Dale had his little test a month ago, and can you believe it that I have YET to get the results from the doctor?!! I heard the following excuses from my doctor (the doctor that wrote the script to send my husband for his test) I don’t know how to read the results; I am not a male doctor; everything looks fine, but there is something here, I’m not sure what it means. But you’ve already had 2 kids…Call the place that did the test, they can give you the results (yeah right, I think only credit companies establish identity over the phone).

YES, seriously, those were the excuses from my doctor with NO solutions on how I could get the results other than to have ME tested. That just sounds ABSURD. Since you can’t read me my husbands results, why not strap me down, do a very invasive test and skip over hubby’s results. Why couldn’t SHE call the place that SHE requested the test from and GET the results!??

*deep breath*

I hung up the phone after the THIRD time of trying to get answers and called our local infertility clinic and decided to just go THAT route and stop going through my apparently passive OB/GYN. BUT, getting into that clinic within 3 months is slim. I called. They had a cancellation and can see me in a couple weeks.

In the meantime…

My OB/GYN keeps telling me that they won’t do anything else for us until I get the Hysterosalpingogram test (HSG), so I scheduled it with her ONLY because all the moons aligned on her schedule and mine, and she is able to do the procedure THIS week.

Of course, I am not feeling comfortable about the procedure. I am scared. I am sad. I am upset that Dale can’t go into the room with me. The last time I was in a scary room like that was when they were putting me under to pull Everett out, I’d like to have Dale there by my side, just to hold my hand. After all I’ve been through, this should be a piece of cake right?

During our women’s Bible study this morning, the ladies in my group laid hands on me and prayed for peace and for clarity. With that kind of prayer, I could possibly get pregnant with triplets. It was pretty powerful.

I’ll get my initial test over with, take Dale’s records and we’ll meet with the EXPERTS in a few weeks to hopefully move forward in our fertility adventure (can I call it that?).

If you think of me on Friday, pray for peace and maybe even answers?!

Enjoy another brutally honest edition to the “Not Me Mondays”. McKmama created this fun category and I enjoy reading some of them.

Our Church has a security system for the childcare building, parents have to wear a bright yellow name badge. It is very legit, if you forget, you have to put your name on the clipboard of shame and they give you a sticker to wear for the day. Shame Shame. I could not find my badge at the last minute so I did NOT put on my husband’s badge and turn it over so that no one could see his name. Nope. not me.

My husband works at a church on weekends, and I haven’t sat in a service with him for years. His department has finally gotten to a point where he can sit with me in one service. YESTERDAY was the big day to sit beside my husband, he can put his arm around me. I was late getting into the service but I found 8 of our friends in a row with ONE seat left on the aisle. I did NOT ask all my friends to scootch to the center so that we could “create” a seat for my husband when he got there. Nope, I would not be THAT rude to our friends.

AND, when my husband sat down…

He did NOT sit down for the sermon and proceed to read his Russian History novel for school and I did NOT approve of it (In his defense, he already heard that sermons 3 times in the past 12 hours).

On our way to church, an airplane was circling the city with a Geico banner. We see it all the time. I’m not sure what percentage of Geico’s customers come from a airplane banner. Anyways, Lindy asked me what Geico meant and I proceeded to explain Geico to her which basically came out as a commercial. A few hours later, after church I heard her say “Geico can save you money!”

I picked up Lindy at her Sunday School class and the teacher usually gives me a report of what Lindy has done in the class. Today, she did NOT tell me that my daughter “put on a show” that included a dead princess dancing (hmmm…where does she get this stuff?!)

We received word this week of a family that attends a local church who lost a baby boy full term for an unknown reason. We were honored to be asked by the church to attend the funeral. The family was on my heart from the minute I found out and I wanted to minister tangibly to them. I understand though that the day of the funeral is really not really the day to that. I remember the day of Everett’s funeral, someone cornered me in the hallway and handed me a book to read. I remember holding the book, in shock, thinking, what am I supposed to do with this book RIGHT NOW? I handed it to the first person I saw in the hallway and said, “take this”.

The night before the funeral, I sat down and wrote a letter to the parents, encouragement and sympathy. It was weird to actually write down, “I understand” and “I know.” I wanted to practically write a book but I kept it to 2 pages and then included a support group document and a list of books that I had found helpful. Depending on the person, they might not feel like reading books for MONTHS and MONTHS afterwards. I was drawn to reading all the books about 2 weeks after Everett died. I read all the stories of other parents who had lost children. I wanted answers and read EVERY book out there on infant loss. To this day, I read lots of blogs of (mainly) women who have lost children. Child loss is a larger club than anyone would really think. It is BIG.

I don’t know really how to minister tangibly to families other than to keep writing, to send those letters and send resources; let them know that they are not alone.

When I got to the church a few people thanked me for coming and I heard myself say “I’m glad to be here.” BOTH times I said it, I caught myself. I don’t know if those people caught my hesitation, but I thought about it after the fact. Am I really glad to be here, in this situation? YES. I am GLAD that I can minister to others who are in need. I would have never chosen to travel this road of child loss but now I want to help those that are hurting. I was honored to be there.

Dale wasn’t able to attend with me. He was in the building, but was busy. He surprised me mid service and it was a huge comfort as we were in the middle of singing, “Blessed be the Name of the Lord.” I still choke up singing the song. I believe it, but it is emotional for me to sing.

I really didn’t prepare emotionally for what I would feel sitting in the sanctuary but I wanted to support the family, having been in that exact same situation a year ago. The service was very high church, I’m not familiar with all the sitting, standing, communion up front (yes, I drank alcohol for the first time?!) and responsive readings but it was easy to follow.

As I sat there, I just felt this connection with the mother and I knew some of what she was thinking.
I remember weeping when they read the verses Psalms 139: 13-18.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

They also had a 2 year old daughter. My daughter Lindy was all over the place during our service but in a very comfortable way. Floating from lap to lap. Singing. But I remember wanting her to be within eyeshot the whole time. I didn’t want her taken out of the room from me.

I was introduced to another couple in attendance who had lost a child to Trisomy 18 a few years ago. They walked with me as I was alone. We had an instant connection.

Think of Lucas’ mom and dad this week and say a prayer for them as they go down this road of grief. And if you know someone who is going through a loss, make a point to talk about it! It’ll mean A LOT to them even if you don’t know what to say.

Are we really halfway through the month!?

Well, I must say, I was on such a high from last months perfect grocery budget, I thought I could CHEAT a little this month and relax a bit. I haven’t been tracking grocery spending by the day…Well I was slightly nervous towards the 15th, wondering how my money was going to level out…

Happy to say, I was only $3 over on the 15th of the month. YIPPEE! So, in celebration, I bought $21 worth of steak and made some yummy kabobs last night. Cant’ buy groceries for a few days, but they were totally worth it.

I do admit that doing this has changed my mindset a bit. Maybe that is all I really needed to push myself to work on the grocery spending. Shopping previously, I would just buy whatever we wanted and needed with no account on how it would affect the rest of the month. Now, I have a little bit of accountability (Nobody is forcing me here), and it is a fun game.

Hope you are finding ways to save money!