Well, we are back home and into somewhat of a routine. Albeit, my 14 month niece is with us, Dale is working NORMAL hours and yet still working 2 people’s jobs, and we have had 2 wonderful house guests and another coming in this evening. Wow!

You might have known that we have been gone for about 2 weeks, traveling to 4 different cities, 3 states. More on the 3 cities later, but we were just supposed to be gone for a week but then something unexpected happened.

My younger brother, Brent, 26, died on Memorial Day. He battled cancer for 8 years and cancer ultimately took his life.

Brent never had it easy in life. Never. And he was only 26. From the parents divorcing, the 3 stepmothers, the 6 older sisters, the schoolwork that was just too hard, all the jobs and then cancer at 18. BUT with all that, my brother never once complained. Not once. He was the most optimistic and caring for others guy you could meet. And the most important thing, he always praised God for everything, even the cancer that took his life.

When I think about cancer, it SCARES me so much, I don’t think I could even remotely deal with cancer the way my brother did. He was so brave. I had the chance to visit him about 2 weeks before he died. I sat next to him, crying, telling him I wish he didn’t have to go through this and he said, “It could be worse.” I said very sarcastically, “not really” and he said, “Look what you’ve gone through in the past year, that was bad too.” Seriously, on his deathbed, knowing that he wasn’t going to live much longer and he thought I HAD it bad?!!!

My brother and I have not always gotten along; we disagreed on family matters but I can say that we both enjoyed each others company in those 3 days I was with him. His short term memory was gone, so every morning when I walked in, he’d be happy to see me and ask if I was pregnant. I would laugh and say, “no Brent, just fat.” He’d ask about Lindy a few times during the day, asking me how old she was. Asking about Dale –they had a special brother-in-law bond.

I am sad that he is gone –he leaves a void in my life and my family but I am GRATEFUL that he didn’t suffer the way he was living very long. I think he was ready and I know that he was ushered into heaven by beautiful angels waiting by his bedside.

I believe that the only joy that can come from death is knowing that those who claim Jesus as their savior will be restored in Heaven and celebrate life with our Heavenly father. What hope does one have if they are not saved?

Rest in peace brother. I know you are teaching my son how to play soccer and telling him stories of his mom.

I have 13 friends who are currently pregnant right now…wait…make that 12, a few friends in Chicago just had a baby last month. You can make the count 13 again if you want to include the Travolta family.

Being pregnant is an amazing miracle and being pregnant twice gives you a feeling of expertness. I’m sure if you are on your 4th or even your 10th kid, you feel like more of an expert. I think part of the joy of being a mom is sharing in other’s pregnancies and children. Clearly I want to be pregnant as well, but that doesn’t hinder me from celebrating in other people’s lives. I have enjoyed a dear friend who has gone out of her way to make sure I’m okay and including me in her pregnancy. Talking baby names, pregnancy symptom ideas, hopefully shopping for clothing soon…being a mom, I LOVE talking about those things, even though I am not in the same place in my life…Dale and I are still working on it.

I have a few friends too far away to be a part of their 9 months, but have enjoyed the e-mail updates, a few friends who just need space and are too uncomfortable sharing, and a few friends who SHOULD be announcing soon (wink wink).

Excited to see all of these babies and see the joy in the parents eyes! I also pray that I am the ONLY statistic in my group of friends, that no one else has to go through what I’ve gone through.

In other news, sad news, my brother Brent died this week after 8 years of battling off and on with cancer. My next post will be a tribute to him…still hard to write it out at this time. We are traveling home to Kansas next week for Brent’s memorial service.